Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
