we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
