We won't sleep together?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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