I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
