Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
