is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
