you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
