Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
