I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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