but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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