I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
