Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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