last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
