If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize