You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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