No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
