dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
