I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
