how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
