I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize