Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
