I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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