I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
