he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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