Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
