Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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