I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
