AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
