You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
