My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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