Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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