her vagine was all disorganized.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize