before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
