Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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