do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
