it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
