i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
