I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
