You're so nebulous sometimes
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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