you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
COCAINE IS GR8
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
