Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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