The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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