what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
