I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
