we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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