she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
