...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
