Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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