I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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