it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
