He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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