you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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