I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize