If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Say something about gay babies.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
