so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
