My liver just broke up with me...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
