Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
