just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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