I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
