Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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