Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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