UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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