At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why do cheetos always look like penises
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
