If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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