Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
