just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
