Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
