I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
