We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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