Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
