My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
