I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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