I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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