i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
