I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
