i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
