I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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