I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
