Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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