You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
