thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
