fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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