I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
