How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
