He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
