Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
