I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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