I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
