I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
