Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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