Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
