there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
