You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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