I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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