OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
