My friends, they love my intelligence
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
