was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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