i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize