He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
