I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
where are my eyebrows?
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