yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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