i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
