direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
