Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
