I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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