I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
