I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
