he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
