At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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