The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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