I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There r osticjed everywhere
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
