i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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