she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
