awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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